Friday, January 2, 2009

Like the Phoenix

As we start the New Year, many of us make resolutions to change the things about ourselves, or our lives, that are not working. With a January 1st birthday, this is especially true for me. As one year ends, a new one begins offering a new opportunity for self examination and improvement.

Last year, I began 2008 with the acute reality that I was desperately unhappy with much of my life, especially my marriage and career. As I celebrated my 50th birthday, I resolved that I would make huge changes; I would tear it all down and start over. I made no impulsive decisions, I did not let my heart rule my head, and I planned. Step by step, I ended my marriage, I relocated from San Diego to the San Francisco Bay Area, and finally, I quit the mortgage industry.

And like the Phoenix, I have emerged from the ashes of my former life and began again.

My son Adam gave me a book for Christmas called "Scratch Beginnings". I loved the book, read it in two evenings; I could not put it down. At the end of the book, the author, Adam Sheppard shared the wisdom of his friend Surry, "there are three types of people"...

1. Those that make things happen.
2. Those that wait for things to happen.
3. Those who sit back, scratch their heads and wonder "What in the hell just happened?"

2008 was a good start, significant external changes and plenty of internal ones. I am free. I let go of grief, saying goodbye in my heart to more than one love. I have learned to be alone, not what I want for the rest of my life, but I am okay, more than okay. As the year ended I rested, I was tired, actually exhausted. After all that change, a dismal job market and what seemed like years of not sleeping, I spent the last few weeks in introspection. I admit, I have been wondering, what the hell happened?

I arrive in 2009 without a job, I have enough money to pay the rent and my pantry has food. In spite of my diminished financial status, Christmas was one of our happiest in years. I am more at peace than I have been in longer than I can remember, (at least a decade). My goal for 2009 is to land a great job and once again financially prosper, meet new friends and perhaps even a new love. Who knows, my heart is open and that is a great place to start. Even with all that is yet to be, I can honestly say, my better life is NOW. As they say, every step of the journey, is the journey.

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